Loneliness is the most deafening sound to the human soul. This quiet assassin of the mind, body, and spirit destroys life. We were never meant to be alone. We know from multiple medical and psychological studies that loneliness/isolation leads to physical and mental health issues. We were meant to live life full, in relationship with a Creator, His creation, and in harmony with each other.
We were created in the image of our Creator. A Creator who after creating the animals, insects, fish, and all the stars in the heaven, chose to walk the garden with His ultimate creation, humans. The Creator defined our relationship with Him in family terms: family, adoption, Father, sons, and daughters. Family was meant to be the most intimate and trusted relationships on this earth. Those terms meant so much back then!
Jesus understood loneliness. Forty days in the desert, sending out disciples two by two, and pleading for “the cup” to pass from Him, all point to Jesus Christ having a deep understanding of human isolation. We find Christ himself living in relationship with His disciples, but more so in an unseen constant relationship that guided Christ’s every move.
The scripture points clearly that Jesus was in constant fellowship/relationship with God the Father. (Matt. 22:25; Luke 3:22; Luke 23:44; John 7:6-9; John 10:25; John 11:1-44; John 26:36-44, etc.) He was never out of touch with the Spirit of God until His death on the cross (Matt. 27:46). The loneliness Christ felt is inexpressible. I can only imagine a human example would be like loosing a spouse after being married for over fifty years. Married not just with paper and pen but spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically connected.
Jesus understood the loneliness that His disciples would feel after His departure from this earth. He gave them a replacement, the Holy Spirit. In John 17, Jesus prays for the oneness that He experienced with the Father would be the same oneness that His disciples and future followers would encounter. “That they would be one as we are one” is an amazing phrase that holds so much information. Before departing the earth, Jesus told His disciples to wait for the Holy Spirit to come, His replacement. The Holy Spirit was to be Christ’s replacement. They waited, prayed, and soon after Christ’s departure, the Holy Spirit was sent to reside in the hearts of men and women who follow the ways of Jesus Christ. Believers who would sense and feel no loneliness again would be guided by a still small voice from within.
What if I am a believer and don’t sense God’s presence in my life. What if I am a believer and feel lonely? What if I just don’t feel God?
These are great questions and questions that I struggle with at times. I can only speak for myself in these situations. I cannot diagnose your issues or problems, but maybe you can learn something from my experience. I have on many occasions experienced intense loneliness, here are some of my thoughts.
1. I started viewing my relationship with God in the same way that I view my relationship with my wife and kids. It needs to be real, not a once a week time at a church. The kingdom of God is here. God with us!
2. Remember that there are good days and bad days. There are times when we connect and there are times when we don’t. It is a matter of priority. Do I desire to have a relationship with my wife and kids? What do I need to do or eliminate in my life to make the relationship a priority? This a great place to start.
3. I have a relationship with my wife and kids because I choose to have it. I choose to be available and near. I value them and their life. Therefore, in my relationship with God, I must choose it. I am not “forced by God” to have a relationship with him. I need to make a decision that this is of value and that He is real. By doing this, God will present himself to me. The Bible shares that those who draw near to God, God will draw near to them. You have the power to choose this relationship with God.
4. I blow it often with my family. I speak harshly, act selfishly, and ignore their needs. This breaks the relationship. These selfish acts need to be brought out to the family and forgiveness needs to be sought. A discussion usually follows the request for forgiveness. After these items are confessed and the relationships are restored, we sense a oneness again as a family. The same is true in our relationship with God. His Spirit resides in us and when we grieve the Holy Spirit, relationship is broken. (Ephesians 4:29-32) We need to bring those selfish acts of independence before God and ask for forgiveness and assistance on the issues. Remember, it does not matter how many times you need to restore the relationship, it does not matter because you are committed to the relationship. God is much more committed to a relationship with His creation than we are. He says that He will never leave us or forsake us. He is eternal and true to His word. We are the ones that are working on aligning our life to experiencing Him.
5. As a family, we have learned that hanging out together is critical to having a relationship. You cannot just exist between the “do’s and don’ts” and have a vital relationship. A family discusses things to do and then they do it. They hang out together and enjoy each other’s company. The listen to each other and value each others input. The same is true with God as our father. You must hang out, listen, and do as directed. Share your thoughts on items, share your feelings, and listen for a response. Get a better grasp of God by reading the Bible. He is the same today, yesterday, and tomorrow. He does not change. So a great way to know the truth of His words is to read His words in the Bible.
6. Lastly, make your conversations with God constant (First Thessalonians 5:17). Like living with your family, you interact throughout the day. Brother Lawrence of the Resurection, a Carmelite priest, said it best, “We must continually apply ourselves so that all our actions, without exception, become a kind of brief conversation with God, not in a contrived manner but coming from the purity and simplicity of our hearts.”
I am not alone… when I live in relationship with God. My wife and kids could be taken, my friends could turn their backs, my family could disown me, and as along as I live in a constant conversation with the Almighty God, I will never be alone. I leave you with a quote from Paul’s letter to the Thessalonian church.
“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not put out the Spirit’s fire; do not treat prophecies with contempt. Test everything. Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil. May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.” First Thessalonians 5:16-24, New International Version
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